August 13th – Day four since returning to Japan.
Our family is the typical kind that doesn’t really pay much attention to religion in daily life, but even we observe Obon. And my mom, along with my maternal grandparents, passed away in a car accident nearly ten years ago.
So naturally, today is the Mukaebi – the welcoming fire.
That said, our family's more like 'pseudo-Buddhist' when it comes to these things. I hear proper Obon rituals are a lot more involved, but for us, it’s just a visit to the grave and lighting a lantern on the way home.
It varies from household to household, but in ours, the reasoning goes:
“There’s no point in lighting a lantern to guide them home if it’s still bright out.”
So we always visit the grave in the evening.
Up until two years ago, Mukaebi days were uneventful until late afternoon. But this year was different.
“You’ve finally reached a level where you won’t attract attention anymore.”
“Yuu, from now on you’ll need to be able to do this by yourself.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’ve got a good foundation, after all. Looking this presentable is part of a girl’s duty.”
Starting after lunch, the three sisters debated back and forth for nearly three hours, going through more than ten outfit changes. And in the end, we settled on the very first one: a marine-striped, summery one-piece dress.
The dress had ribbons and a frilly, knee-length skirt, making it an undeniably cute outfit. They put something on my face—it wasn't quite makeup—and styled my hair. Honestly, I looked even cuter than I did when we went to the shopping center the other day. I was starting to think, “Wait, am I actually pretty cute?” Just a different hairstyle and outfit can make such a difference. Women really are magical creatures.
Still, why the hell did I have to go through all this just for a trip to the cemetery? Isn't this the kind of effort girls put in to be seen by guys? I am a guy, so I don’t care, okay? That’s what I said—but the three of them responded, dead serious (though with slightly different wording):
“““We don’t care how guys see us. It’s girls who are watching.”””
…Women are terrifying.
“Heeey, it’s about time to go.”
Just as I was shivering at the weight of womanly expectations, Dad called out, probably tired of waiting. Finally, I was free. I chose to ignore his reaction when he said, “Wait, you’re really Yuuji? I thought you were some kind of idol!”
I headed to the entrance and, like always, started toward the front passenger seat...
“Hey, maybe it’d make more sense for Ryou-nee or Mika-nee to sit here instead of me?”
We were getting into a regular passenger car. With five people, that meant two in front and three in the back. It’s a bit cramped with three in the back, so normally—given my build—I’d take the front seat. But now, I’m the smallest and daintiest among the siblings.
One of the older sisters should sit up front instead.
“...You’re right. As the eldest, I’ll sit up front. The three younger ones can go in the back.”
With Ryou-nee’s words, the seats were decided.
Then, as I saw my two older sisters' backs, a sudden thought hit me.
My height dropped about 30 cm since becoming a girl. So, where I used to look at their backs, my gaze was now closer to the ground.
That’s when I noticed—
Ryou-nee and Mika-nee both have really big butts.
They’re so large that even back when I was a guy, I probably...
“Owowowow!”
“Is it just me, or were you thinking something pretty rude just now?”
“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing. So, Yuu, what exactly were you thinking?”
Both Ryou-nee and Mika-nee were pinching my cheeks from either side.
Are these girls mind readers!?
After that little scene in front of the house, we drove for about 30 minutes, swaying in the car, and arrived at the cemetery where our family rests.
The graves for Mom and my maternal grandparents are visited about once every two or three months. (Before Ryou-nee got her driver's license, we used to come here by bicycle—honestly, that was some real dedication.) So the place is relatively clean, but still, being exposed to the elements leaves it dirty.
We wiped down the gravestones with cloths, replaced the wilted flowers with fresh ones, and picked up any trash around the area.
“Grandpa, Grandma, Mom. This year, we finally kept the promise we couldn’t fulfill last year. Yuuji has come back to us. His appearance may have changed a little, but he’s home.”
Dad reported the news to Mom and the others.
And me?
...Yeah, yeah, I know. You don’t have to nudge me with your elbow. I get it.
“Uh, hey. It’s me—Yuuji. You might not be able to tell just by looking, but I’ve turned into a girl. But I’m doing fine, so don’t worry. I’ve heard it’s peaceful over there, so please take it easy.”
I don’t know how to put it... but I finally felt like I was truly home, with all of my family.
“No, today’s the day we come to pick them up.”
“Yuu~, do you even know what Mukaebi means?”
“Yu-chan, are you pretending not to get it?”
Come on! It was such a good moment—can’t you let me have it!?
After that, we lit the lantern we brought and began the trip back home...
“The idea is that the spirits follow the lantern's light back home, but do you think a lantern inside a car is actually visible to the dead?”
“It’s fine. The dead aren’t bound by the laws of physics.”
“You know, I’ve always wondered… we’re going home at like 30 km/h. How the heck do Mom and the others keep up with that pace?”
“Maybe they’re riding in the car with us?”
“Dad, that’s ridiculous. Look around — the car’s packed with just the five of us.”
“Then maybe they’re in the trunk… or clinging to the roof?”
“…So Obon is basically an event where we whip the dead into running after us, huh.”
And so, we bantered like this the whole ride home.
To all the families around the country who take the Obon ritual seriously — I sincerely apologize.
After that, we got home without incident and had a peaceful dinner.
Well, it's a quiet rural town in Japan — it’s not like there's going to be daily trouble or dramatic developments.
But still…
“Man, even after two years, the family really hasn’t changed, huh.”
“What do you mean ‘hasn’t changed’?”
“Today’s Obon felt a lot like the one I remember from two years ago. Sure, I turned into a girl and got turned into a dress-up doll by you guys before we left, but the atmosphere, the flow of things… it was just like back then. That’s when I really felt like I was back home.”
“Well, it makes sense you wouldn’t know, but last year and the year before were really somber Obon visits,” Mika-nee replied with a wry smile.
“And you say nothing’s changed, but you’re the one who’s changed the most. At the very least, two years ago we weren’t bathing together like this.”
Yes, I was currently taking a bath with Mika-nee.
She’s the most… let’s say “easygoing” of the three sisters, so I’d assumed tonight’s “girl training” would be relatively simple.
I was wrong.
Even something as basic as washing my hair was met with corrections — “Not like that, like this” — more than I got from the other two. In the end, she just said, “You won’t understand until you experience it,” and started washing my body without even asking.
“Ryou-nee and Hina both told you, didn’t they? That hot water you like is a no-go. Anything hotter than body temperature strips too much natural oil from your skin.”
“Okay? Just gently rub like this. This is enough to clean properly — you don’t need to scrub hard.”
“Huh? You say you can do it yourself? You’re not doing it right. It’s fine, I’ll do it for you tonight, so remember how it feels.”
“Come on, don’t be embarrassed. Think about it — who gave you a hands-on lesson in how to use sanitary products during practice the other day? I already saw and touched everything then, so it’s nothing new now.”
…If I were a modest, traditional Yamato Nadeshiko, this level of contact would mean I’d have no choice but to marry Mika-nee.
Mika-nee is the kind of person who values hands-on experience. She’s good at volleyball, and always says, “Three minutes of practice teaches you more than an hour of theory,” without hesitation. I get that. But I wish she wouldn’t push that mentality onto others.
And like Ryou-nee, she doesn’t even try to hide her body.
Doesn’t it bother her? I’m her brother, you know?
“Huh? But you’re not my little brother anymore — you’re my little sister now. So what’s there to hide?”
I tried to argue, but she just gave me a puzzled look in return.
Even if my body’s a girl’s now, my mind is still male. Honestly, it’s embarrassing. More than feeling like I’m getting a free show, it just feels awkward.
As I sat in the bath, bubbling in embarrassment from the earlier events, Mika-nee, soaking beside me, suddenly got serious.
“Yuu. Serious question. Can you go back to normal?”
“The chances are basically zero. At least in this world, it’s completely impossible.”
I became a girl because of magic. But over in that world, they never found a way to undo it. More than that — they proved that it couldn’t be undone by simply dispelling the magic.
Apparently, I’m not “under a curse that turned me into a girl,” but rather I “transformed into a female body while retaining my memories and knowledge.”
I even tried magical items meant to dispel curses — nothing happened. I used a mirror said to reflect one’s true form, breaking through illusions — and I still looked the same.
In other words, this is my true state now.
To go back, it would require some magical something to alter my very flesh back into male form. That’s obviously impossible with modern technology.
“Next question: what do you want to do from now on? Not tomorrow or next week — I mean over the next year, ten years. And realistically speaking.”
Sure, modern medicine can do gender reassignment. But that’s not what I want.
I don’t want to “become a man.” I want to return to being Tachibana Yuuji.
And that’s not a “realistic” possibility in this world — not without magic.
…Well, even in the other world, it wasn’t exactly realistic, but at least the chance was the size of a grain of rice.
So…
“Assuming I go with Dad’s story — that I’m actually his secret child — I’d get Japanese citizenship. Then, I’d just live as a Japanese girl, go to high school and college, and eventually get a job.”
That’s probably how it would go, realistically speaking. There's no room for dreams or hopes in that.
Right now, I can’t see men as romantic partners, so marriage is off the table. I’ll leave continuing the Tachibana bloodline to Mika-nee and the others.
Wait… if I’m a girl, maybe I could fall for another girl, and then—
No, no, I’m not into that either!
As I wrestled with my thoughts and made a dozen expressions beside her, Mika-nee spoke again, still serious.
“If you can’t go back, then you have to accept being a woman. Otherwise, it’s going to be rough. Honestly, the way you are right now, you’d never survive in Japanese society as a girl.”
…Is that so?
Now that she mentioned it — I remember Hina telling me my walk looked weird for a girl.
When I argued back, saying walking styles aren’t gendered, she showed me a smartphone video she secretly recorded.
Even I had to admit it was a bizarre sight from a girl's perspective.
“Looks like you get it now. Don’t worry — you’ll probably have to start high school over, but you’ve got more than half a year until next April. We’ll all help you train thoroughly until then.”
…She probably meant well.
But there was nothing about that promise that made me happy.
Still — I truly felt, deep down, how much it meant that my family was fully supporting me.
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